


Longing For Something More

by Starsfelldown



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: :), Alternate Universe - High School, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Foreign Exchange Program, Homesickness, M/M, Pining, Yuta Smokes Cigarettes, mark is a cute dork, yukhei comes out for like two seconds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-26
Updated: 2018-11-26
Packaged: 2019-08-27 01:20:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16692664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starsfelldown/pseuds/Starsfelldown
Summary: Yuta loves the warmth that he gets from inhaling nicotine behind his host parent's house and Sicheng is addicted to the warmth of his temporary bed in the mornings but he likes Yuta more.





	Longing For Something More

**Author's Note:**

> i spent my free time writing this instead of writing my reflection on m. butterfly using queer theory. rip. i reference the play and if you want to give it a read you can probably look up the pdf on online. make sure its m. butterfly _not_ madam butterfly. i feel like it really applies to a lot of people in the kpop fandom who fetishize oriental people. anywaaaays i hope everyone enjoys and doesn't totally hate this

    Today Sicheng stayed home with the excuse that he pulled a muscle yesterday during his dance class. It isn't true but something about being around his peers didn't seem right today. He has a test in physics, an essay to turn in and a speech to present in his government class. A bunch of work he has to make up because he couldn't get out of bed.

There’re just some days that he just can't muster up the energy. On those days the sheets feel too smooth against his skin and the duvet is too warm. Those days he misses his mom's homey scent and her cooking; Yukhei and his big stupid grin that lights up the sky; his dad who sings to himself as he shaves in the mornings before going to work. The Saturday's when his parents would take him into town—past the street vendors and tourist—to a small hole in the wall restaurant to have soup dumplings. The atmosphere nice and tranquil with only the faint sound of slurping and laughter. He misses all of it. He misses his small country town side where he could ride his bike on the dirt roads and around the crop fields, feeling the warm rays of sun on his skin as his shirt flaps in the breeze. He misses his bike; the smell of his laundry; Yukhei’s hardy laugh; the buzzing of bugs in the afternoon; but most of all he missed home.

Canada is nice and he's made a nice temporary home here. The cold weather is refreshing but it got old after a few weeks. He likes his host parents and they've been nothing but nice. He just can't help but think that he made a mistake coming here.  
Sicheng has made impulsive decisions before, but never has he regretted them. He dated the captain of the soccer team, Wong Yukhei, on a whim and ended up with a best friend instead of a boyfriend. He bleached his hair and dyed it out of sheer boredom countless of times but this time Sicheng fucked up. He signed up for the foreign exchange program and is staying in Canada for a year now. Theoretically spending some time outside of his small town would be nice, but a small road trip with a couple of friends would have been suffice.

The kids at school call him WinWin—the name he chose because he was certain most of the kids wouldn’t have tried to or been able to pronounce Sicheng. Most of them are nice but he’s sure they only like him because he’s foreign and only speak to him out of curiosity or sympathy. English isn’t the easiest language either and whether they meant to or not his classmates sometimes chuckle at his pronunciation or have trouble understanding him. That’s when he regrets coming to Canada the most.

There are plus sides like Mark and Yuta.

Mark is his host parents' real son. Mark is exactly what he pictured a younger brother to be in his head: smart, bright with wide eyes. He has the innocence and awkwardness that only a fifteen-year-old possess. His laugh is loud and fills the space he's in and witnessing it makes Sicheng smile. Being around Mark spreads a warmth in his chest and brings out a protective side he didn't know he had.

Then there's Nakamoto Yuta.

Yuta is a Japanese foreign exchange student that arrived a month earlier than Sicheng. It was a bit nerve wrecking being around him at first. It felt like he was imposing; like he didn't belong with the already established family. Yuta is the ideal foreign exchange student: handsome, athletic, likable, extrovert and memorable. He's older and it's definitely evident. Sicheng only just turned sixteen, with flimsy limbs and an unsettling posture, while Yuta—whose almost done growing—stands tall with a permanent smirk of a knowing eighteen-year-old. His body is built from years of playing soccer and his smile is magnificent. It starts at his eyes and spreads to the rest of his face brightening the room like the sunrise back home.

Sicheng really likes Yuta.

Yuta gets what it's like to miss home. He looks at him with understatement and does his best to distract Sicheng instead of giving him looks of pity like everyone else. Usually it's just watching a movie or doing homework together, but Sicheng treasures it.

Yuta knows what it's like to have difficulty adapting in a country so different from his own. He understands the daily struggle of communicating in a language that isn't his native tongue. He's helpful on days when Sicheng doesn't talk as much and tries to help when he fumbles to find the right wording in English to express himself.

Yuta is considerate and sits with him at lunch because he knows that Sicheng is shy so it's difficult for him to make friends. It was supposed to be temporary and only last until Sicheng found friends but even when he made them, he preferred eating with Yuta. Most days they eat inside but when the sun decides to grace them with its' presence they eat outside and lay back on the snow-covered ground staring at the sky until their backs freeze off.

He knows exactly what Sicheng needs without him having to say anything.

When Yuta gets home from school he goes straight to Sicheng's room and plops next to him on the bed.

"I missed you at lunch."

Sicheng turns so they're facing each other and tries not to burst into flames when their knees bump.

"Yeah, sorry about that." He says remorsefully. "Did you eat with you friends?"

"Nah I kind of skipped out on lunch and smoked behind the library."

Sicheng inches closer to Yuta.

"Maybe you shouldn't smoke so much... Especially not at school where you could get in trouble."

The smell of cigarettes constantly lingers on Yuta's clothes. He hates the brands they have in Canada but he ran out of the packs that he smuggled into his suitcase from Japan.  
"I know but it reminds me of home you know?" Yuta says propping his head up with his hand. "I usually don't smoke very much. That's why I only brought two packs from Japan. I just really hate being here sometimes. Makes me feel like a nuisance. In Japan I walked to school by myself since I was five and then I come here where I'm micro-managed like a test subject. The west likes to baby their children and kick them out without any sense of independence as soon as they hit the legal age. It's ridiculous."

"It's different here." He agrees. "We were both raised to be self-reliant and independent. It's a different culture we're not use to. It's not bad and neither one is better, but we just aren't used to it."

Yuta hums in agreement; the fire that seemed to burn in his eyes dying down.

Sicheng can feel Yuta's gaze burning into him. He pretends not to notice but Yuta has eyes that glisten and pierce into him. Sicheng can never keep eye contact with him for very long. The only guy he ever dated was Yukhei—it only lasted two weeks—and it was more like hanging out with a friend than dating. They only kissed once. As soon as their lips brushed Yukhei irrupted into a loud laugh that sprinkled Sicheng’s face in drops of saliva. If it would have been anyone else Sicheng have rioted but since it was Yukhei he roll over in laughter until his ribs burned.

He wonders how it would be to kiss Yuta.

Yuta is always touching and caressing him in such a tender way that drives Sicheng mad. His touches are never sexual, but they make the younger tingle all over. Yuta's hands are so soft and they thread through his long honey colored hair and scratch at his scalp. Sicheng smiles as he hums at the sensation, trying his best to enjoy it while it lasts. It doesn't last very long.

"Sicheng! Your teacher sent some homework," Yuta exclaims as he slides off the bed and onto the floor next to his bag.

He can feel himself deflate at the mere mention of school and being productive. He feels himself snuggle further into his bed. He wishes Yuta will go back to playing with his hair.

"Come on," Yuta says panting at the carpet next to him. "Let's get some school work done."

Sicheng does as he's told and slides off the bed and onto the carpet. He pulls his lap desk from under the bed and begins on his assignments. Sicheng works in silence per usual as Yuta reads his assigned reading aloud—announcing the words helps him understand them and betters his pronunciation he explained once.

" It's a . .. a pure sacrifice. He's unworthy, but what can she do? She loves him ... so much. It's a very beautiful story." Yuta reads with his eyebrows scrunched together in concentration. Sicheng can tell he's doing his best to pronounce each word to the best to his ability. He's a lot better at English than Sicheng but he doesn't envy his host brother—it’s more like admiration. "What an idiot. I'm glad this guy's in jail," Yuta comments.

Sicheng stretches his legs causing his feet to brush against Yuta's. This time he doesn't pull away and lets his feet touch the elder’s. It's oddly intimate and has him feeling warm all over.

"It's her window," Yuta continues. "Late at night—it burns. The light—it burns for you."

     They finish their homework around the same time that Mark and his mom get home. Mark is still dressed up in his soccer gear and it brings a smile to Yuta's face. They both listen to the youngest gripe about practice and his lazy teammates even though he smiles like a dirty gym bag. Yuta listens and understands his struggles—being that he is a football player himself—but Sicheng doesn't understand most of the terminology but tries his best because he likes Mark.

They wait for Mark's dad to get home so they can all eat dinner together. Today Mark's mom got a little caught up at work so she ordered some take out. Shitty Chinese food that arrives cold and tastes bland. It makes him miss his mom even more.

After dinner everyone kind of does their own thing. Mark has a project to work on, Yuta usually goes on a "walk" after dinner and Sicheng has nothing better to do than help his host mom with dishes.

He stays chatting with Mark's mom who dotes over him and his fake injury. He reassures her that he's fine and ready to go to school the next day. She believes him and thanks him once again for helping with the dishes.

He doesn't turn on the light when he comes back to his room even though it's already dark. The moon is out in its full glory and illuminates the nook that is his room. It casts shadows that make the shelf looks taller and under his bed look darker. He shuts the door behind him and goes over to the alcove. He can see Yuta's broad back against the window through the sheer curtains.

It's a bit of a joke that Yuta has to go freeze his ass off to smoke. The whole house knows what he does on his "walks". But he can't smoke in the house and their host parents have to pretend they don't know, or they would be violating the rules of the foreign exchange program. As long as they don't see it, it didn't/doesn't happen.

Yuta's designated smoking area is outside Sicheng's window. When Yuta first arrived to Canada the Sicheng’s room was vacant and at the very back of the house so he was least likely to get caught smoking there. Even when Yuta realized that the room he was smoking in front of was now occupied he continued loitering there. When Sicheng first saw a lingering shadow out his window he almost shit his pants and it wasn't until Mark explained it was Yuta that he felt slightly less freaked out.

Somehow Yuta's dirty habit brought them closer together. Sicheng doesn't know how or why but a couple of weeks after moving in he opened the window and started up a conversation. The cool, brooding and almost untouchable image he had of the older soon diminished, evolving into what it is now.

Sicheng pulls up the barrier between Yuta and himself. Yuta turns to him, bringing his loosely held cigarette up to his smiling lips and his eyes twinkling brighter than any star above.

Sicheng loves Yuta like this the most. It reminds him that Yuta isn't perfect and that he misses home too. Nakamoto Yuta with his million-dollar smile, eyes bigger than the moon and who's breath smiles like musky nicotine. His deep voice that constantly fills Sicheng with reassurance falters every so often and needs encouragement too. But without a fail he’s Nakamoto Yuta. Yuta that has girls and boys falling to his feet in Japan, Canada and when Sicheng goes home China as well. The boy that turns the other way to smoke when Sicheng is around so the smell or smoke won’t cling to him and helps Mark practice his volley shot even if his lungs burn. With all his flaws and shortcomings Sicheng without a doubt is in love with him.

He knows one day this will come to an end. That all this is temporary. Winter will lapse over into spring and the light that burns in his bedroom as Yuta’s cigarette will soon burn out and fade. Sicheng, whose known as Winwin the Chinese foreign exchange student, will go back to being Dong Sicheng who lives down the road. Yuta will fade into a memory and in a couple of years Sicheng will forget the exact color of his dyed hair or how he looks illuminated by the moon. If he remembers anything, he hopes it's the little details: how the best part of Yuta's smile is not his lips but his dazzling eyes, the disheveled reflection of the older in the car's rear view mirror in morning, or the burning feeling that ignites in him from watching Yuta smoke. He hopes that he won't forget any of it but that's only something time can tell.

For now he'll enjoy it.

**Author's Note:**

> hello. it be me at 2am trying to finish yet another essay but i took a break to edit this. pls give me kudos, comment or bookmark bc i'm going to fail my english class. follow me on [main blog](http://retrofutrism.tumblr.com) or [side kpop blog](https://miniyoonssi.tumblr.com) and [twitter](https://mobile.twitter.com/retrofutrism)  
> 🤠


End file.
